Five Ways to Improve the Quality of the NBA
There are numerous intricacies to the NBA that I feel take away from the fan experience; and there are parts of the NBA culture that bug me. The rule changes I am proposing won’t alter the NBA in major ways, but they will at the very least be entertaining to every fan of the game. Each rule is a useless as the next; regardless of that fact I decided to count them down from five to one. Enjoy!
5. Marv Albert and Hubie Brown have to use slang during each broadcast: Don’t get me wrong Albert and Brown are great NBA announcers, but there’s a part of me that wants to see the two totally embrace the hip hop culture which is prevalent in the NBA. Hearing Albert and Brown use slang throughout an NBA contest would make a fan’s viewing experience unparalleled by any announcing team in the four major sports. Albert and Brown could run for president with their already legendary statuses if they were to add Redman’s vocabulary.
4. Players with idiotic tattoos start every game with one foul: Call this either the DeShawn Stevenson or Stephen Jackson rule. If a player decides they want to get a ridiculous tattoo that is fine, they’ll have to start every game with a foul already on the books. Players cannot go unpunished for having Abraham Lincoln tattooed on their neck (Stevenson), or hands in prayer holding a gun (Jackson…I must have missed the part of the bible that talks about the right to bear arms).
3. Let players talk trash to each other: I understand the NBA frowns upon trash talk in the league because the amount of fights may increase as a result; but, not allowing the players to not do it much at all hurts the game as a whole. I think talking trash is an essential part of basketball, it is necessary to talk about an opponent’s lack of game, parents, children, and/or ugliness during each confrontation. Trash talk in the end balances itself out, because if someone is dumb enough to talk trash to LeBron James or Kobe Bryant they are going to get at least 40 points dropped on their head.
2. A Penalty Punch to gut for a blatant flop: Basketball at the NBA level can get vicious with the size of the athletes involved in each game. But, then you have a few individuals that like to flop from the least bit of contact as they try and draw a foul against a defender. It’s a man’s game, and acting as if a little bump is the equivalent of getting hit by a car needs to stop. The new rule: If a player blatantly flops they will receive a punch to the gut from Palace brawlers Ron Artest , Stephen Jackson, and Jermaine O’Neal; or from the Diesel , Shaquille O’Neal. The puncher is determined by which one of those players happens to play the culprit next. This punishment would put an end to flopping in less than two weeks.
1. Players have to get their own Gatorade: I don’t know if this only bothers me, but I hate to see supreme athletes plop down on the bench and wait for someone to bring them Gatorade and a towel. They have accomplished so much athletically and fitness-wise; why do they need someone to fetch them a drink? It would be great to see a bunch of 6’8” and over men standing in line at a Gatorade cooler during a timeout. It would be a small form of entertainment during the multiple fourth quarter timeouts.
